Unexpected Danger (Skyline Trilogy Book 2) Page 4

  She forced back the panic, the tears. He’d pretty much hit on all the things that dwelled in her dark places. All the things she never admitted to anybody, because she didn’t want them to be used against her. And now look.

  It wasn’t fun to say “I told you so” to yourself.

  She opened her mouth for the food. She would take the punishment, because she had committed the crime. Beyond that, he was dead to her. He had to sleep sometime. She’d be fine on her own.

  He jabbed the fork into the cake and came back with a big chunk. The giant bite wobbled on the fork. She opened her mouth wider, already knowing it would taste like bile. She would struggle to keep from choking on it. It would forever ruin the bliss of chocolate cake she had experienced before, but that was nothing compared to her life’s desolation being shoved in her face. To the exploitation of her loneliness.

  He held the fork three inches from her lips as he leaned over her, brooding and deadly, poised to shove the fork in her mouth. The rage still fell off him in waves.

  She shook so badly she could barely hold herself upright. But she managed. And she would manage. She was not going to break. He would not beat her.

  As the fork moved closer, Jenna eyed the gleaming tines. If he jabbed it at her, he would chip a tooth or pierce her lip.

  She opened her mouth wider and readied herself. When it was close enough, she’d grab the morsel and back off quickly.

  The fork shook a little, his eyes staring into hers intently. She met the stare calmly, mouth open. Still the fork held.

  Chapter Four

  Josh was shaking. When Jenna had walked outside earlier, all he could think of was her death. Her lifeless body lying on the grass, staring up at him with sightless eyes. Someone else he hadn’t been able to protect.

  His past reared its ugly head and took over, forcing out an unspeakable guilt that turned quickly into fury. His anger had tipped him into the red, and now he was completely out of control.

  Jenna sat below him, scared, shaking, and muted. He didn’t want that. He’d never wanted that. It was a weak man that had to physically scare a woman to gain the upper hand. Right now, he was proving himself the weakest man he knew.

  In contrast, she took the aggression with quiet grace, strength straightening her back, overriding her desire to cower.

  As if to prove it, she leaned forward slowly, warily, not letting their eyes lose the connection, and closed her mouth around the cake. By the look on her face, she might as well have been eating grubs. She visibly struggled to get it down, but didn’t complain. She waited patiently for him to load up the fork again, her eyes glistening with held-back tears. She might be scared shitless, but she was still pushing back. This time she wasn’t responding with violence and temper. This time she was standing up to him as a lady: regal and poised and handling herself as if she was above all this—like she was better than him. And she was.

  Josh leaned closer to her, trying to attain control. She looked so small and fragile on the floor, despite holding herself rigid and proud. It looked like she was preventing herself from breaking, from cowering at his feet. The effect broke his heart.

  Jenna was leaning in for the second bite when Josh, eyes clouded with pain, cursed loudly, stood up, and threw the plate against the wall. She jerked as it crashed.

  “Do you want to die, Jenna? Is that what you want? You want me to step out of the way like I don’t give a shit so you can get your head blown off? Just another person dying on my watch, huh? You don’t give a shit about the rules. You don’t follow my lead because you can’t bear to follow anyone’s lead. I can’t save you any more than I could save any of them, is that it? Is that what you want? You’ll die to make a point? Fuck!”

  Josh fled down the stairs two at a time, slamming the door so hard the whole house shook. Jenna didn’t hear the lock engage.

  Letting a ragged breath escape, Jenna smoothed back her hair then wiped at the tears suddenly washing down her face. She clutched her fingers together to stop her hands from shaking and rocked back and forth, trying to work out the overwhelming fear she’d just endured. He’d hit the core of her, and the violation was hard to bear.

  Breathing heavily, she allowed a few more tears to dry up as she calmed down. Then she collected all the fragments of herself and pieced Humpty Dumpty back together again. She’d been through worse. It was the mantra she always used, and it was always true. Seeing her mother die was something few moments in her lifetime could surpass. God help her the day that was no longer true. That would be a black day indeed.

  “Still surviving to do,” she murmured to herself. The only easy day was yesterday, that was what Jack had said. And damned if he wasn’t right.

  Keeping her back straight, she made her way down the stairs, not hurrying. She would not run. She would not flee like a refugee. Tomorrow she would turn on her phone, call Erika for help, or head out on her own. If he tried to stop her, she’d let the law handle it. And if that didn’t work, since he knew the law around here, she’d put in a call to dear old Dad. If Josh thought he was the only monster that prowled the world, he was dead wrong. She had an arsenal at her disposal—some of it on the right side of the law, some on the wrong side, and all were as close as a frolic into her past.

  There was more than one way to dominate someone. He was not far from learning that the hard way.

  After getting some comfortable sweats, she drew herself a bath and slipped into the warm water. Heaving a sigh, she tried to calm the tremors still racing through her body. She tried to ignore her aching heart at his treatment.

  She went through every detail in her mind, over and over again. He was worried about failing. He was barely keeping it together, trying to make sure he didn’t repeat old errors. Clearly he was blaming himself for a mission going badly, or something similar. It seemed she wasn’t the only one on the edge, hiding insecurities behind a tough façade. It was also clear her actions weren’t solely responsible for the meltdown, merely the trigger.

  It still didn’t excuse the way he’d treated her. She was no flower, but she didn’t deserve that treatment. No one did.

  With a tear falling down her cheek, she leaned back and closed her eyes, letting the warmth of the water sooth her.

  After about forty-five minutes, Jenna was debating getting out and doing some work when the bathroom door opened slowly. Her stomach churned before she regained control and calmly looked in that direction. She didn’t know which she dreaded more, a gunman or Josh.

  Josh edged into the room, his eyes downcast, his stone mask in shards. Intense suffering and guilt warred on his face.

  “Can I talk to you?” he asked softly.

  She tensed, realizing he wanted to speak to her now, while she was naked in the bath. But then, clothes had never been an effective armor. Plus, his eyes were dull and lifeless, staring at his feet.

  She nodded mutely, and then vocalized her acceptance when he failed to notice her movement.

  He disappeared for a second and returned with a chair. He sank into it heavily and put his face in his hands. “Jenna, I’m so sorry. I lost my cool. It wasn’t your fault. You didn’t deserve that. Any of it. I just… I have some things I’m dealing with that resurface now and then. This thing with you—you hit me deep. Caring for you…” He took a deep breath, his forearms resting on his thighs, his body bent over as if it was too hard to straighten up. “I care for you. In a good way, I care for you. But that part of me is close to some bad things that have happened. With the danger you’re in, and my position…it just hits even closer. It’s hard for me to keep my head on straight. I’m trying. I’ve been doing well for the most part, but…”

  He shook his head and stopped talking. Stopped trying to explain. Jenna had an idea she knew what he was going through. Erika usually dealt with the brunt of her issues and insecurities, but when she went wild on others, they thought it came out of left field. The difference was, when she lost control, she couldn’t rip anyone’s arm of
f.

  Josh rubbed a thumb over his knuckles, drawing Jenna’s eyes. They were cracked and bloody, the skin peeled away, like he’d been punching a wall.

  She mentally fought her demons; his fights looked physical. They were probably equally painful.

  “You stepped over the line,” Jenna said in a strong voice. She had no idea where it came from, because she didn’t feel it. “If I had been a weaker woman, I would’ve cried all over the floor. Or fainted.”

  “Then called the cops. I’ve been there before. Men, too. I scare men, too. They don’t show it as much, but—” He shrugged, and then said in a low voice, “I scared you.”

  “I’d rather you didn’t point it out.”

  “I know, but you still tried to seem so calm. So unaffected. It’s what helped me find my way back. If you had gotten mad, or wild…that type of thing only fuels the anger, you know?”

  “Are there many people you don’t scare?” she said with a nervous laugh, releasing more of the pent-up worry and uncertainly.

  He looked at his hands, at the bloody knuckles. He was somber and filled with self-loathing when he said, “These days, very few. Myself included.”

  “Well, I’ve been scared before. Everyone knows you don’t show fear. Bosses, crackheads, bullies, women that want something from you, men likewise—it’s a rule of thumb. You’re no different.”

  “I wish you had a better life.”

  Jenna blinked away tears. “Speaking of hitting too close to home.” She pointedly looked at his knuckles to steer the conversation in another direction. “I’m not going to tend those for you. You don’t deserve it. Plus, I don’t know first aid.”

  He didn’t even look at his knuckles when he said, “My mother would have if she was in your shoes. She would’ve made me something warm, or a hot brandy, and pretended like nothing had happened. She did for my father, anyway.”

  “We’ve already established I am not your mother. In many, many ways.”

  “She would’ve respected you more because of it.” He got up to leave, his face giving away his sadness. His loneliness.

  Something moved deep inside her.

  The heart and the mind weren’t always in sync.

  “Join me,” she said, making a split-second decision she hoped she didn’t regret. “I’ll put more warm water in.”

  “Nah.” He looked at her for the first time. His dull eyes were hollow. He didn’t notice her body. “I’d rather be alone.”

  “Haven’t you spent enough time alone? I know I have.”

  He paused with his hand on the doorknob. His head dropped. He whispered, “Yes.”

  “C’mon.” She scooted forward.

  He stripped off his shirt. Jenna took in that hard, tanned body. Her eyes followed that strip of tribal art down the side of his abs, flowing gracefully over a pronounced oblique. After removing his pants, he crawled in behind her.

  “I don’t deserve your compassion,” he said softly, snaking his hands around her middle.

  “Last night I didn’t deserve yours.” She let some water out and turned on the tap for more warm water.

  Once the water temperature was just right, she leaned back against his chest. He nuzzled his face against her neck and softly squeezed her.

  They sat that way for a while, her giving comfort and support, him taking it. She didn’t want to push him for information. If he wanted to share to lighten the load, he could. Otherwise, she would give back what he’d loaned her that first night. She would do so just as willingly, and just as openly.

  Tonight he might not deserve it, but she had a long memory, and she truly understood his pain.

  After a while he stirred, lifting his head. She thought he was going to get out. Instead he said, “My mother never wanted me to go into the military. I was the youngest, am the youngest. The third kid. Two girls and a boy. My dad thought I would follow in his footsteps, and I did so willingly. I went to Annapolis and came out the best in my class. When I found myself in training with the SEALs, I did just as well. It was an honor to serve with those guys. Every one of them.

  “It wasn’t until my mom died from cancer that I started to pull back. I started to question. Question orders, question missions. It is something you don’t do. If you do, you get people killed. I tried to keep my head in it, but I was doing something my mother had never wanted me to do, and that started to eat away at me. I’d lost her. I’d lost her unyielding love. I had a tight-knit family with my team, but they weren’t the same.”

  “You can’t replace your mother,” Jenna said with tears in her eyes.

  “No, you can’t,” he whispered, and hugged her, putting his face into her neck again. “I tried for a while, but I was faltering. I decided to leave the team. Hardest decision I’ve ever made. I was a career man. To give that up, walk away from the men that bled to keep me alive—it was intense. I was in no hurry, though. I took another mission. One more, I told myself. It’s always that one more that does it, right?” His voice was clipped and bitter.

  “It was supposed to be a quick extraction. In and out. Great intel, little resistance—in and out. As soon as we got there, things started going wrong. But you stay the course. Always. Stay the course. Follow orders, complete the mission. Well, I didn’t think the orders suited the situation. In the past, I would have gone through with them anyway, trusting my commander. This time…I peeled off from the rest. I knew I would get court-martialed for it. My dad would look bad, I would look bad—I didn’t care. I heard my mother’s voice in my head saying it was a bad fit. I listened.”

  He shook against her. “They walked into enemy fire. We weren’t supposed to be going in hot. By the time I got there by a different route, my men had been chopped down. Most were dead. I could only get one of them out. Just one. He was badly injured and didn’t have much time. I threw him over my shoulder and ran. Ran harder and faster than… I could only save one. SEALs don’t leave men behind. That’s our creed—we look after our brothers. But I couldn’t—I could only save one—”

  His body racked with sobs. He squeezed Jenna tighter, nearly cutting off her air.

  She didn’t protest, but leaned back so more of her was pressed against him. After a while he stilled, his head still buried in her neck. “They gave me the Medal of Honor for it. I tried to say I didn’t deserve it—I hadn’t followed orders, and I left them all behind, but I took it for Jax. I didn’t want to make less of his life by refusing. It was my last mission. I should have left before it.”

  “Then Jax would be dead, too.”

  He nodded, coughing out a couple more sobs.

  “You feel guilty for surviving.” Jenna felt him nod. “I felt that way with my mother. Still feel that way. Sometimes. But in those moments I remind myself that my mother would rather I lived. She would have wanted me to live. To love. To experience life. She was always so happy and carefree. So beautiful. Not only in her appearance, but as a person, you know? I became an architect for her. I will see this building made in her memory.

  “I think you have to think of that when you have moments of doubt. Your mother spoke to you, and you listened. Your mother wanted to see you live. You chose a path, and so did your…uh, mates. Your team. They died with honor, and you saved another man so he could live with honor. Don’t spoil everything you’ve done for this country by hating yourself for one piece of independent thought.”

  He was quiet for a long time. Still and quiet. He lifted his face a little and kissed her neck, his full lips skimming slowly.

  “Ever the rule breaker,” he said softly, rustling her drying hair with his soft breath.

  She knew then that it was time. He needed to be loved and needed, just like she had that first night. It was time for her to express it. It was time for her to make good on the love and support he’d loaned her. She’d give it back with her whole being, using herself to try and patch him together. It was no less than what he’d done for her, and would do again before this was all over.

&nb
sp; Jenna let the water out of the bath and got two towels for them. Instead of letting Jenna dry him, Josh took the towel and wrapped it around her, leaning over to kiss her neck as he did so. She led him into the bedroom and into bed. His eyes were calm and dark, filled to the brim with emotion he was no longer trying to contain. She didn’t know what he needed—soft and tender or hard and fast. She had no idea how he knew what to give her the other night. This taking care of someone else thing was new to her. She had a hard enough time taking care of herself.

  As she slipped into bed beside him, he pulled himself up so he was on his elbow on his side. She slid into the hollow of his big body, liking how well they fit together. He opened her legs gently, slowly, making sure it was what she really wanted. She let him take the lead, opening herself to him, heart and soul. He rolled onto her, trailing his fingertips over her ankle, slowly up her calf, up her leg to her hip, watching his fingers brush her skin. He settled himself more firmly over her and continued up, stopping on her sensitive nipple. As he kneaded her breast, he claimed her mouth and slipped himself into her wet folds.

  She moaned, giving the encouragement he needed. He brought her thighs up high on his hips and pushed a little deeper. With his mouth trapping hers, his body imprisoning her with its size, he put his hands on her shoulders and pushed himself deeper still, bumping up against the end of her. She surrendered to him totally, finally understanding the sacrifice he’d given, and respecting him more for it.

  His girth slid within her, deep, filling her up. His mouth on hers, hot and wet, he thrust, faster and faster. The bed hit off the wall in time to Josh’s rhythm. Jenna’s body wound up, the sensations pounding inside her. Electricity fluttered her eyes, and little bursts of pleasure exploded through her.